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Crazy Things Done to Fail a British Army
"The Recruiting
Serjeant Taken in, or all Fair Above Board"(1791).
THERE
WERE TWO REASONS WHY MEN TRIED TO FAIL THE ARMY MEDICAL EXAM.
First, the recruit had been tricked into enlisting; or, second, they
were hustlers who enlisted repeatedly to defraud the recruiters out
of bounty money, food, drink, and lodging.
In the
Napoleonic Wars, the British recruiting system was broken. A major
problem was the responsibility put on inspecting army surgeons (medical officers).
If the surgeon allowed a recruit to pass that was in fact unfit to serve, he was held financially accountable for all the expenses of that
failed recruit. In short, army surgeons were motivated not to pass
those they inspected.
How the
process worked was, the recruit was brought by the recruiting party to the
medical officer. Upon
arriving at the surgeon's residence, one recruit described what happened
next: “I was called in first and stripped naked and examined carefully as
to soundness of my internal systems, the limbs, and the eye sight. I was
ordered to walk fast and slow and put my body in different positions of
difficulty.”
In accordance with regulations, the surgeon had to "ascertain
that he has no rupture, that he has the perfect use of his eyes and ears,
and free motion of every joint and limb; that he has no tumours, nor
diseased enlargement of the bones and joints; no sore leg, nor mark of an
old sore; that his appearance is healthy, that he is neither consumptive nor
subject to fits."
"Some excite ulcers; others affect
stammering, deformity, pain in various parts of the body, deafness,
blindness, epilepsy, contractions of the finger, lameness, etc."
Wrote one surgeon: "We sometimes meet with individuals who refuse to
move an arm or leg, and assert that they have lost the power of
motion in the limb." The lengths some men took to get rejected
were simply astounding. Teeth were either pulled out or filed
down. Others made small incisions inside their mouths so they could
fake spitting up blood. A crafty few drank bull's blood prior to
seeing the surgeon and then induced vomiting. Some even injected
blood into their bladder so they could urinate blood.
One of the strangest was the faking of haemorrhoids. This was affected by the recruit by taking the
bladder of a rat or small fish, and inserting it partially in his
rectum! An unwise few drank a dangerous
mixture of vinegar and burnt cork or shoe blackening (which
contained high concentrations of poisonous sulphuric acid) in order
to trigger diarrhea or dysentery.
Scurvy was simulated by covering
the teeth with wax and then applying a corrosive substance to their
gums. Even jaundice was replicated by painting/dying the
perpetrator's skin yellow and employing smoke in the eyes to mimic
that disease's physical traits. Still others pretended to have
mental illness, ear ulcers, and incontinence. At least one tried to
fake a growth inside his nose by inserting a rooster's testicle
inside, holding it place with a small sponge. Some even resorted to
self-mutilation and maiming to get rejected. One even tried to fake
death!
In the end, the combination of medical
officers with a disincentive to pass recruits and the creativity of
men wishing to be rejected, severely damaged the British Army's to
secure able-bodied replacements in a time of war. The only
thing that saved the war effort was the introduction of volunteer
transfers from the militia to regular forces.
-------------- Select Bibliography ----- Regulations to Regimental
Surgeons, etc. (London, 1799). Henry Marshall, Hints to Young
Medical Officers of the Army... (London, 1828). Alexander Somerville, The Autobiography of a Working Man (London, 1848) .
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